Heather Mallick May Explode Like Mount Vesuvius Destroying Pompeii!

Somehow Heather Mallick finds gainful employment as a writer for the Toronto Star.

She’s like a geyser almost ready to explode. After being the cause of all racism and homophobia when she was a little girl disgusted with boys, she has to write article after terrible article rationalizing why people need to re-elect Justin Trudeau or how mass immigration causes a high force of feminism and LGBT, or she’ll go off like Mount Vesuvius destroying Pompeii.

Here’s a recent article… 

I stabbed a raccoon. With a fork. He was after me, but to what purpose I cannot say, Your Honour, I don’t think food and I hope not sex. He was following me around the garden and I couldn’t shake him off, a not-unfamiliar sensation as I am frequently targeted by obsessives. 
I beg your pardon, Your Honour? 
“Well, you know raccoons. Toronto’s hairy bête noir, they’re like teenagers, they do not listen,” writes Heather Mallick. (THE CANADIAN PRESS/ BBC EARTH) A dessert fork. 
It was the only weapon I had to hand. How quickly we deteriorate esthetically when no one’s watching. I was at home that day, alone, writing about the melting of the polar ice caps and eating cold soufflé out of last night’s baking dish, the very picture of sloth and gloom in an era of decline…

It goes on.